The new Royston Vasey?

I'm working from home today, and ambled down the high street of my sleepy Surrey town at lunchtime. As my local - the fantastic Blue Cafe - was packed to the gills, I took my life in my hands and went to a very popular local eaterie. I say 'popular' yet am at pains to understand why. While the food is adequate and the service is good, there is a certain Royston Vasey-ness to it. The regulars are a little alarming. The first time I ventured in there, I had to defend myself against allegations of sitting too long alone at a table (from a patron, not the staff, I hasten to add), despite the place being half empty. This time it came back to me - in a sort of slow motion deja vu moment - that one of my reasons for avoiding it is that the main waitress (a friendly and efficient woman, obviously much loved by less grumpy customers) has got, quite conceivably, the loudest voice outside the Royal Opera House. There I was, working my way through the sudoku in the Times, my ears all but bleeding. So it was off to the Blue Cafe for a restorative latte. These quiet country towns can be hard going ...